Okay, so here it is...time for me to share with you my life. Let me start by saying that I'm a single mom. I have three absolutely gorgeous children who fill my life with joy, laughter, tears, frustration, and tons of stress. That said, they also make my life worthwhile in so many ways. I love each one deeply. In my house, you are NEVER ALONE.
I was married for almost 8 years when my marriage fell apart, and I found myself raising these three kids alone. I suppose, in many ways, I'd been raising them alone for a while before that as we were a military family. Their dad was often out of the country, and I was left to handle everything under the sun that might happen in our lives, work, and home. So the transition wasn't as tough for single parenting as it was in other ways.
In the separation, I got the huge, comfy california king-sized bed which had been suc a luxury. Only now, it screamed at me each evening of my failures in the marriage and my "loneliness." It yelled at me that I was alone. I was very small in relation to the world. I hated going in for bed, and climbing into the overwhelming bed.
Many times, I struggled with the bed. I can't move it. I can't even lift the mattress by myself, not for the weight, but because of the sheer size of the thing! I have many a time climbed into that bed, rolled over and cried because it screamed at me memories of what I wanted my life to be.
See, I never wanted to be divorced. I never wanted to be a single mom. In the naivete of my youth, I never really thought there was a chance that divorce could or would ever happen to me. In fact, I used my faith in God, and the Bible's statements that marriage should not be discarded to unknowingly bury my head in the sand that it would take work--not only from me, but also from my unbelieving husband.
Yes, I knew that the Bible also taught about not becoming unequally yolked, but again, in my youthful naivete, I figured God must not know my situation. I mean, I was IN LOVE. (Sigh, I know...I know...youthful naivete equals blind stupidity!)
But I have kept that monster bed. In fact, I have begun to embrace the emptiness of it at night. I can't count how many nights a child has ended up in it with me (due to illness or post-surgical care requiring around the clock monitoring). I can't count how many times my cat has decided she has to sleep so close to me that I almost fall out of it. And I can't count how many times I have cried at the emptiness and aloneness it represented.
What I can count is the number of days since I had a dramatic change of heart about my life...
68 days
God is doing some mighty work in me. Honestly, He's been working on me for many years. I have finally gotten to the place where I'm too tired to pretend to have better answers. And 68 days ago, God revealed some pretty powerful stuff to me. In the days, months, perhaps years to come, I will attempt to share these with you, but just know that I can sum it up in three words:
I'm Never Alone.
(And neither are you!)
